Brittany Wenger, 17, Wins Google Science Fair Grand Prize For Breast Cancer Diagnosis App

https://sites.google.com/a/googlesciencefair.com/science-fair-2012-project-64a91af142a459cfb486ed5cb05f803b2eb41354-1333130785-87/home

Project Summary

Global Neural Network Cloud Service for Breast Cancer Global Neural Network Cloud Service for Breast Cancer http://cloud4cancer.appspot.com Leveraging the computing power of the cloud to assist with medical diagnosis can become an effective tool for doctors to provide more consistent and reliable care.  Artificial neural networks detect patterns too complex to be recognized by humans and can be applied to breast mass malignancy classification when evaluating Fine Needle Aspirates (FNAs).  This project teaches the cloud how to diagnose breast cancer by implementing a custom-crafted neural network that consumes FNA data collected by the University of Wisconsin to answer the question – is a mass malignant or benign? Medical usage demands neural networks achieve accuracy with their diagnosis and reduce malignant false negatives. Building on data collected by the University of Wisconsin in the early 1990s, this project first evaluates three modern commercial neural network implementations. Information regarding potential indicators of breast cancer is quantified in the dataset; specifically, clump thickness, single epithelial cell size, bare nuclei, mitoses, and five other attributes. Each network accepts this input to optimize its hidden nodes and is tested with ten trials. With each trial, a randomly selected 10% of the dataset is used to assess the predictive power of the constructed neural network. These commercially created neural networks serve as a control group. Development of a custom neural network weights malignant false negatives and allows for the identification of inconclusive samples (capacities not available in commercial products.)  Additionally, more samples are needed to improve the predictive capability of the network; therefore, the network has been published in the cloud, allowing for global submissions and benefit.  The cloud service is hosted in the Google App Engine. The successfully implemented custom network is tested with 6,800 trials.  To assure maximum training, each sample is run through ten trials evaluated by different networks trained against all other samples.  The custom neural network achieved predictive success of 97.4% with 99.1% sensitivity to malignancy – substantially better than the evaluated commercial products.  Out of the commercial products, two experienced consistent success while the third experienced erratic success. The sensitivity to malignancy for the custom network was 5% higher than the best commercial network’s sensitivity. This experiment demonstrates modern neural networks can handle outliers and work with unmodified datasets to identify patterns. In addition, when all data is used for training, the custom network achieves 100% success with only 4 inconclusive samples, proving the network is more effective with more samples.  Additionally, 7.6 million trials were run using different training sample sizes to demonstrate the sensitivity and predictive success improves as the network receives more training samples. The Global Neural Network Cloud Service for Breast Cancer may be ready to diagnose actual patients – more global participation is required to confirm the findings and increase the predictive success on blind samples. An avid student, volunteer, athlete, and researcher, I am driven to learn and understand. I have never outgrown the “why” phase. I question everything, and it wasn’t until I was introduced to science that I found answers -- and, more questions. My elementary school experiences developed my passion for experimentation. My enthusiasm for science continues to blossom. Helping find the cure to cancer is a goal of mine. I have experienced the pain of family members inflicted with the disease and have witnessed the anguish in Georgetown's pediatric cancer ward. Going forward, I seek to learn as much as I can in the computer science and medical fields to help achieve this goal. Although only a high school junior, I am top in my class and participate in the most rigorous courses offered at my school. I expect to major in computer science when I attend college and continue to medical school. WWSB ABC 7 Interview   Awards do not define me; however, they validate my scientific research.  With each year, my research increases in complexity and has more potential to have positive benefit on mankind.  When I was presented with the naming of minor planet 25333 by MIT Lincoln Laboratory, I was in disbelief; however, getting recognized by some of the top world scientists drives me to work harder.  Together, we can solve extraordinary challenges. Winning the Google Science Fair and interacting with the top scientists at Google would be an awe-inspiring opportunity for me.

Survive Cancer, Raise the Kids, Get to Work, Cook, Clean, Workout, Repeat...

Adding Cancer Survival to the 'To Do' List

Gone are the days when you take a day off when you are sick. It is no longer enough to rest and recuperate, we don't have time for that. If we have a cold, we take Nyquil to sleep, and some other pill to get us through the work day.

But we expect that this won't be the case for major illnesses, especially cancer. We imagine there is time to recover, to reflect, to process, but the reality is quite different, especially if you are a parent responsible for small children.

Because of advances in medicine, many procedures that diagnose, and treat cancer are out-patient. There is no time to be cared for, you go in, get poked and prodded, then head home to take on the other chores of life. Your doctor says, with a smile, that you can return to work.

But we don't want to return to work. We need a break.

The process is too often like this:

- the cancer is discovered, either a lump is felt, or it shows up in some screening (what is not documented at this time, as that we go back to work, pick up the kids, cook dinner, go on)

- a biopsy indicates the cancer is malignant and treatment options are discussed (we rush from doctor to doctor, they give us their opinions, maybe we get second opinions, all during breaks at work - holding back our own pain, swinging by the grocery store on the way home)

- treatment begins. We are exhausted, and nauseous. We still make it in for work. We don't think we are doing a very good job. We feel sick, we feel unattractive... we go home, and don't feel like a very good parent.

- treatment ends. We are still tired, maybe more so because treatment can have a cumulative effect. We are used to seeing our doctors every day, but now we have this void. All of the professionals who are there to help us fade away - and we are back in the role of parent, employee... someone other people rely on.

This is just the reality of surviving cancer in the modern day.

Cancer is no longer a death sentence. That's a good thing!! But it also has become an outpatient procedure, in spite of the difficult physical hurdles to overcome, and emotional trauma to process. Somehow, we are expected to continue on with our lives, thankful to be alive (and we are), but also expected to keep pace with the rest of the world.

What can cancer survivors do to find balance? How can a cancer survivor nurture themselves, and still take care of their families and keep their job?

1) Reset priorities. This can be anything, but your priorities should be meaningful to you. Write them down if necessary. If your children are a priority, this doesn't mean you have to give into their every whim, but that you choose to set aside quality time for them. If work is a priority, you can forgive yourself if you are late, as long as you are proud of the work you do. We can't do everything, every day. But we can do a few meaningful things.

2) Take 15 minutes in the morning and at night, and write in a journal. In the morning, start the day with a sense of new beginnings. Think of all the possibilities. Think of things you'd like to accomplish (again, one or two meaningful things, not an overwhelming 'to do' list), but also think of at least ONE thing that you will do to nurture yourself. This can be a simple walk in the fresh air during your lunch break, or a cup of tea with a friend. Find some time during the day to do something that brings you personal joy. In the evening, remember your accomplishments. Be proud that you are doing so well (it truly is remarkable all that we accomplish). Remember our children's successes. Forgive yourself for anything that is left undone and celebrate the special moments of that day.

3) A few days a week, fit in an activity that connects your body and mind and the world around you. One of the best ways to do this, for cancer survivors, is through yoga. The deep breathing, and mental focus in yoga has numerous benefits for stress reduction, the immune system, overall health and well-being. But any form of exercise that you enjoy will have similar benefits: walking, hiking, tennis, swimming, paddling... you feel better physically, and have improved mental clarity.

Your children will see you at peace and will learn and grow and be inspired by your strength. They don't need a gourmet meal every night, they want your love and attention. Your employer (whether they tell you or not) is simply amazed at your strength and dedication.

Don't worry about doing it all. The life of a cancer survivor, is a life moving toward balance.

http://eliminatecancer.hubpages.com/hub/Survive-Cancer-Raise-the-Kids-Get-to-Work-Cook-Clean-Workout-Repea
t

Understanding Cancer Biopsies

A biopsy is a procedure to remove a piece of tissue or a sample of cells from your body so that it can be analyzed in a laboratory. If you're experiencing certain signs and symptoms or if your doctor has identified an area of concern, you may undergo a biopsy to determine whether you have cancer or some other condition.

If it is a solid tumor, your biopsy choices can affect your survival. Read the information following these descriptions of various biopsies to understand your choices.

Bone marrow biopsy

Your doctor may recommend a bone marrow biopsy if an abnormality is detected in your blood or if your doctor suspects cancer has traveled to your bone marrow. Bone marrow is the spongy material inside some of your larger bones where blood cells are produced. Analyzing a sample of bone marrow may reveal what's causing your blood problem.

During a bone marrow biopsy, your doctor draws a sample of bone marrow out of the back of your hipbone using a long needle. In some cases, your doctor may biopsy marrow from other bones in your body. Bone marrow biopsy is commonly used to diagnose a variety of blood problems — both noncancerous and cancerous, including blood cancers, such as leukemia, lymphoma and multiple myeloma. You receive a local anesthetic before a bone marrow biopsy in order to minimize discomfort during the procedure.

Endoscopic biopsy

During endoscopy, your doctor uses a thin, flexible tube with a light on the end to see structures inside your body. Special tools are passed through the tube to take a small sample of tissue to be analyzed.

What type of endoscopic biopsy you undergo depends on where the suspicious area is located. Tubes used in an endoscopic biopsy can be inserted through your mouth, rectum, urinary tract or a small incision in your skin. Examples of endoscopic biopsy procedures include cytoscopy to collect tissue from the inside of your bladder, bronchoscopy to get tissue from inside your lung and colonoscopy to collect tissue from inside your colon.

Depending on the type of endoscopic biopsy you undergo, you may receive a sedative or anesthetic before the procedure.

Needle biopsy

During a needle biopsy, your doctor uses a special needle to extract cells from a suspicious area. A needle biopsy is often used on tumors that your doctor can feel through your skin, such as suspicious breast lumps and enlarged lymph nodes. When combined with an imaging procedure, such as X-ray, needle biopsy can be used to collect cells from a suspicious area that can't be felt through the skin.

Needle biopsy procedures include:

Fine-needle aspiration. During fine-needle aspiration, a long, thin needle is inserted into the suspicious area. A syringe is used to draw out fluid and cells for analysis.

Core needle biopsy. A larger needle with a cutting tip is used during core needle biopsy to draw a column of tissue out of a suspicious area.

Vacuum-assisted biopsy. During vacuum-assisted biopsy, a suction device increases the amount of fluid and cells that is extracted through the needle. This can reduce the number of times the needle must be inserted to collect an adequate sample.

Image-guided biopsy. Image-guided biopsy combines an imaging procedure, such as X-ray, computerized tomography (CT), magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or ultrasound, with a needle biopsy. Image-guided biopsy allows your doctor to access suspicious areas that can't be felt through the skin, such as abnormalities on the liver, lung or prostate. Using real-time images, your doctor can make sure the needle reaches the correct spot.

You'll receive a local anesthetic to numb the area being biopsied in order to minimize the pain.

Skin biopsy

A skin (cutaneous) biopsy removes cells from the surface of your body. A skin biopsy is used most often to diagnose skin conditions, including cancers, such as melanoma. What type of skin biopsy you undergo will depend on the type of cancer suspected and the extent of the suspicious cells. Skin biopsy procedures include:

Shave biopsy. During a shave biopsy, the doctor uses a tool similar to a razor to scrape the surface of your skin.

Punch biopsy. During a punch biopsy, the doctor uses a circular tool to remove a small section of your skin's deeper layers.

Incisional biopsy. During an incisional biopsy, the doctor uses a scalpel to remove a small area of skin. Whether you receive stitches to close the biopsy site depends on the amount of skin removed.

Excisional biopsy. During an excisional biopsy, the doctor removes an entire lump or an entire area of abnormal skin. You'll likely receive stitches to close the biopsy site.

You receive a local anesthetic to numb the biopsy site before the procedure.

Surgical biopsy

If the cells in question can't be accessed with other biopsy procedures or if other biopsy results have been inconclusive, your doctor may recommend a surgical biopsy. During a surgical biopsy, a surgeon makes an incision in your skin to access the suspicious area of cells. Examples of surgical biopsy procedures include surgery to remove a breast lump for a possible breast cancer diagnosis and surgery to remove a lymph node for a possible lymphoma diagnosis.

Incisional biopsy. During an incisional biopsy, the doctor uses a scalpel to remove part of an abnormal area of cells.

Excisional biopsy. During an excisional biopsy, the doctor removes an entire lump or an entire area of abnormal cells.

You may receive local anesthetics to numb the area of the biopsy. Some surgical biopsy procedures require general anesthetics to make you unconscious during the procedure. You may also be required to stay in the hospital for observation after the procedure.

Source of Biopsy descriptions listed above: Mayo Clinic

Choices in Biopsy that Affect Survival

Some biopsies are determined by the type of cancer indicated by the symptoms. Blood cancers are best diagnosed by sampling the bone marrow.

Cancers with solid tumors, like a breast cancer, are often biopsied with a Needle Biopsy or Surgical Biopsy. Your surgeon may encourage a Needle Biopsy because it is a simpler outpatient procedure, but this may not be the best option for you.

While the idea of a full Excisional Biopsy via surgery may seem scary at first, if it is an option for you, that will be the ONLY way to make sure you get all the cancer cells from this tumor OUT OF YOUR BODY.

A Needle Biopsy, or a Incisional (or partial) Biopsy can break off stray cancer cells that can begin to migrate. Since most people don't die from the initial cancer, they die from metastatic cancer (cancer that has spread), you want to do everything you can to prevent this from happening. The best way to do this, with a solid tumor, is to remove the entire tumor if possible.

If you have a solid tumor, you can begin your fight against cancer at the biopsy stage. Surgery may seem scary, but it's worth it.

http://strongerthancancer.com/cancer_biopsy

600-Year-Old Bras Uncovered in Austrian Castle

By Anthony Castellano

Jul 19, 2012 7:54am

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                       (Image Credit: University Innsbruck Archeological Institute/AP Photo)

Victoria’s Secret might get credit for reinventing the brassiere, but the earliest-known bras now date back to the Middle Ages,  according to Austrian archeologists at the University of Innsbruck.

The university said Wednesday that it found four linen bras in an Austrian castle dating back to the 1400s, proving that women wore bras more than 600 years ago. It’s such a revolutionary find because fashion experts thought the modern-day bra was only about 100 years old after women became tired of tight corsets.

One specimen in particular “looks exactly like a [modern] brassiere,” Hilary Davidson, fashion curator for the London Museum, told The Associated Press. “These are amazing finds.”

Some of the ancient bras were intricately decorated with lace, suggesting that they were meant to be seen by someone else other than the person wearing it.

Although the linen garments were discovered in 2008, they did not make news until now, says Beatrix Nutz, the archaeologist responsible for the discovery. Researchers said the bras underwent carbon dating and they had to make sure the look of the bras fit with the 1400s.

“We didn’t believe it ourselves,” Nutz said. “From what we knew, there was no such thing as bra-like garments in the 15th century.”

Among the more than 2,700 textile fragments that were found in the Lemberg Castle in Tyrol was a linen undergarment that looks like a pair of panties. Nutz said it is men’s underwear because women did not wear anything under their flowing skirts in the Middle Ages.

Women started experimenting with bra-like garments in the 1800s, but it wasn’t until when the modern-day brassier was invented by Mary Phelps Jacob, who received a patent for her bra in 1914.

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/07/600-year-old-bras-uncovered-in-austrian-castle/

BREAST CANCER OCCURENCE, DIAGNOSIS AND MORTALITY STATISTICS

http://www.maurerfoundation.org/breast-cancer-occurrence-diagnosis-mortality-statistics/3978

NEWS | by April Zubko | March 30th, 2012

African-American women are more likely to die from breast cancer, above non-Hispanic white women, Hispanic/Latina, American Indian/Alaska native, and Asian-American/Pacific Islander groups.

With so much information and studies available on breast cancer, it can be a bit overwhelming to get a grasp on how breast cancer is really effecting us as a nation. Here is a run-down of the most recent trends and statistics on the diagnosis of breast cancer based on gender, age and race/ethnicity, as well as survivability figures.

• Breast cancer is second only to lung cancer in the number of cancer deaths.
• Excluding skin cancer, breast cancer is the most common cancer in women.
• 1 in 3 cancers diagnosed in U.S. women is breast cancer.

• Between 1980 and 1987, there was a rapid increase in breast cancer incidence, most likely as a result of increased mammogram rates.
• Breast cancer incidence rates stabilized in the 1990′s, and then slowly increased in the late 1990′s, most likely as a result of further increases in mammograms, increased obesity rates, and increased use of menopausal hormone therapy.
• Between 2002 and 2003, breast cancer incidence rates dropped sharply (7%), likely as a result of decreased used of menopausal hormone therapy as well as a decreasing mammogram rate.
• Since 2003, breast cancer rates have remained relatively stable.
• 5-year survival rates for breast cancer have steadily increased since 1975.
• Breast cancer rates for women under 50 have remained stable since 1985.
• Breast cancer rates for women over 50 have remained stable since 2003, which a peak of diagnosis rates in the late 1990′s.
• Starting in the 1980′s, mortality rate of African-American women from breast cancer began to diverge from non-Hispanic white women. By 2007, African-American women had a 41% higher mortality than non-Hispanic white women.
• Death rates for men with breast cancer have declined 3.3% per year since 2000.
• 1975-2008, breast cancer incidence rate in men increased 0.8% annually.

• Women—An estimated 230,480 will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and an estimated  39,520 women will die in 2011.
• Men—An estimated 2,150 will be diagnosed with breast cancer and an estimated 450 men will die in 2011.
• An estimated 1% of all diagnosed cases will occur in men in 2011.

• Women under 40—An estimated 11,300 will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and an estimated 1,160 women will die in 2011.
• Women under 50—An estimated 50,430 will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and an estimated 5,240 women will die in 2011.
• Women 50-64—An estimated 81,970 will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and an estimated 11,620 women will die in 2011.
• Women 65 and older—An estimated 98,080 will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and an estimated 22,660 women will die in 2011.
• 95% of breast cancer diagnoses occur in women over 40 years old.
• 97% of breast cancer deaths occur in women over 40 years old.
• During 2004-2008, women aged 20-24 had a breast cancer incidence rate of 1.5 cases per 100,000 women.
• During 2004-2008, women aged 75-79 had the highest incidence rate of breast cancer diagnosis.
• During 2004-2008, the median age for female breast cancer diagnosis was 61 years old.
• 50% of women diagnosed with breast cancer were 61 years or younger, between 2004 and 2008.
• 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer during her lifetime.

• Non-Hispanic white women in the U.S. have an incidence rate of 125.4 cases per 100,000, the highest of all races and ethnicities, and a mortality rate of 23.9 per 100,000, the second highest of all races and ethnicities.
• African-American women in the U.S. have an incidence rate of 116.1 cases per 100,000, the second highest of all races and ethnicities, and a mortality rate of 32.4 per 100,000, the highest of all races and ethnicities.
• Hispanic/Latina women in the U.S. have an incidence rate of 91.1 cases per 100,000, and a mortality rate of 15.3 per 100,000.
• American Indian/Alaska native women in the U.S. have an incidence rate of 89.2 cases per 100,000, and a mortality rate of 17.6 per 100,000.
• Asian-American/Pacific Islander women in the U.S. have an incidence rate of 84.9 cases per 100,000, and a mortality rate of 12.2 per 100,000, both rates the lowest of all ethnic and racial groups.
• Before the age 40, African-American women have a higher incidence of breast cancer than non-Hispanic white women.
• African-American women are more likely to die from breast cancer, above non-Hispanic white women, Hispanic/Latina, American Indian/Alaska native, and Asian-American/Pacific Islander groups.
• Incidence rate in men is higher for African-American men than other races and ethnicities.

• Women with breast cancer have a 99% 5-year survival rate if it is localized, 84% if it is regional, and 23% if it is distant-stage.
• Larger tumors reduce 5-year survival rate.
• The 5-year survival rate for African-American women is 77% and 90% for white women.
• African-American women have the greatest chance of all ethnicities to die of breast cancer. This is likely as a result of the more aggressive tumors common in African-American women, higher rate of proverty, and later stage of detection.
• Obese women diagnosed with breast cancer have a 30% higher mortality rate than breast cancer patients that maintain a healthy weight.
• Women diagnosed with breast cancer that is not estrogen responsive (ER+) or progesterone responsive (PR+) have a 1.5-2 times higher rate of mortality.
• Women from lower income areas have a lower 5-year survival rate than women from higher income areas.

Reduce your chances of being diagnosed by educating yourself on the risk factors of breast cancer and taking action on the factors you have control of like smoking and obesity. Later stage detection and advanced tumor size decrease your odds of surviving breast cancer. Improve your odds of survival by practicing early detection. Do a monthly breast self-exam, a yearly clinical breast exam, and after 40 a yearly mammogram. Empower yourself and improve your odds.

(Source: “Breast Cancer Facts & Figures: 2011-2012,” American Cancer Society, www.cancer.org)

http://www.maurerfoundation.org/breast-cancer-occurrence-diagnosis-mortality-statistics/3978

The After Cancer Diet: How To Live Healthier Than Ever Before

by Suzanne Boothby, H.C.

Thankfully for most people diagnosed with cancer today, the trend is survival. And the biggest tip for the more than 11 million cancer survivors in the United States to remain cancer free is to live a preventative lifestyle.

This book is the go-to place for cancer thrivers who want to begin their journey to healthy living with easy recommendations from a cancer physician and a wellness writer. The After Cancer Diet addresses what to eat, drink and do to remain cancer free for life. You will learn how to eat real food, find more sweetness in life (and less in your food), develop a regular exercise routine, detox your body and lead a happier life with more creativity and joy.

The idea for this book came out of conversations between a cancer physician and his wellness-focused daughter. The two saw a big gap after cancer patients complete active treatment and the traditional medical community doesn’t give much guidance to maintain a healthy lifestyle. This book puts all the best research and recommendations in one place as an easy-to-read e-book.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005Q52XY0?ie=UTF8&tag=strongerthanc-20&linkCode=shr&camp=213733&creative=393177&creativeASIN=B005Q52XY0&ref_=sr_1_12&s=books&qid=1334194438&sr=1-12 

Oprah Talks to Cheryl Strayed About Walking Her Way to Peace and Forgiveness

In this exclusive interview, learn the secrets behind the book

that became the first pick for Oprah's Book Club 2.0.

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Photo: George Burns

At the age of 22, in 1991, Cheryl Strayed fell into an abyss. Her beloved A mother, who was only 45 years old, had died of cancer. Crazed with grief, Cheryl began doubting her marriage, sleeping with other men and eventually even doing heroin with one of them.

But then something happened. On a snowy night three and a half years later, Cheryl lent a friend her truck, which promptly broke down. So she stepped into a camping store to buy a shovel to literally dig out of trouble. While waiting in line to pay, she saw a guidebook to the 2,650-mile Pacific Crest Trail. Cheryl had never heard of the PCT—neither had I until I read Wild—but something compelled her to go back and buy the book.

Six months later, she'd started her hike from the Mojave Desert to Oregon.

This would be a huge decision even for an experienced backpacker—which Cheryl definitely was not. Though she wasn't a stranger to the wilderness (she'd grown up on 40 acres in Minnesota, with no electricity or running water), she'd never hiked more than a day at a time, and usually with other people. To take on the PCT all by herself was crazy brave or maybe just...well, wild.

But Cheryl was desperate to halt her downward spiral, and she was searching for insight. I suppose she could have gone off backpacking in Europe, or taken up cooking, or started writing a novel. (She did that later; Torch was published in 2006.) But the PCT was like a little voice in her head, and as I've come to know, when a little voice talks, you really ought to listen.

Cheryl talks in Wild about the difference between deciding to do something and really having to do it; for some of us, that can be a very big leap. She started haltingly, and she made plenty of missteps, but once she got on that trail she refused to turn back. Over time she found—somehow, deep down in her miserable, grieving soul—that she was in fact saving herself. "Keep walking, Sister," she wrote in the copy of Wild she brought to my home the day we did this interview. (How could I talk to this fearless woman indoors? Nope; I invited her to my house so we could sit beneath the redwoods in Santa Barbara. It was an oddly cold day, but Cheryl, Lord knows, had experienced worse weather.)

Here's what I got from reading and meeting Cheryl Strayed: No matter where you are in your climb in life, no matter what you're doing, you have to keep getting yourself up every day. No matter the obstacle in front of you, you just have to keep getting up and doing what you have to do. Sometimes that means dealing with demons—and let me tell you, the logistics of this hike, the weather, the animals, the fact that for most of the journey Cheryl's boots were the wrong size (she lost six toenails from the rubbing), would have scared me off ten different times. But more often it means dealing with the demons inside us.

I was lucky enough to spend three hours with the intrepid Cheryl Strayed, talking about her life, her book, and the quest that we're all on, whether we realize it yet or not....

Oprah: What does it mean to be wild? 

Cheryl: My mother's death brought me to what I think of as my most savage self. It stripped me of the one thing I needed. My mother was the taproot of my life. And suddenly, I didn't have that anymore. I had wild love for my mother. I had wild sorrow. And then I went wild. I went wild into my life. 

Oprah: You describe yourself as a seeker, and yet you say that when your mother died, religion and God failed you. You write: "I prayed fervently, rabidly, to God, any god, to a god I could not identify or find. I cursed my mother, who'd not given me any religious education. Resentful of her own repressive Catholic upbringing, she'd avoided church altogether in her adult life, and now she was dying and I didn't even have God. I prayed to the whole wide universe and hoped that God would be in it, listening to me. I prayed and prayed, and then I faltered. Not because I couldn't find God, but because suddenly I absolutely did: God was there, I realized, and God had no intention"—I love this so much, it makes my eyes water—"of making things happen or not, of saving my mother's life. God was not a granter of wishes." 

Cheryl: I realized I wasn't going to get my wish, and my mother wasn't going to get hers. I had always known that, rationally; bad things happen to people all the time. But when they happen to us, we think, Well, wait a minute. Why would God do that to me? So in that moment, I realized, "Yeah, I'm going to have to figure out a new definition of God". That was a wild experience, too. 

Oprah: It took you more than three years of misery to get to the point where you made the lifesaving decision to take a hike. But once you decided, you never wavered. And I've got to tell you, when you started out in that motel room trying to put your pack on—Monster, you call it—and you couldn't lift it, I know what I would have thought: "That's it! It's a sign. I'm not supposed to go on this trip!" I would have gone home, but you just strapped that thing on and went walking. 

Cheryl: I was failing in so many ways in my life, and my biggest fear was that I would fail again on this trip. I simply could not fail. I was too proud to call my friends and say, "You know how I was gonna hike that trail? I didn't do it." So, no matter what, no matter what, I had to get that pack attached to me and go. It didn't feel good. It felt terrible. It was really painful. But I had to do it, and now I see why: I needed to carry that heavy weight. I needed to carry the weight that I couldn't bear. That's what Wild is about. It's about how we bear what we cannot bear. 

Oprah: It's also about conquering fear, don't you think? The idea of being in uncharted territory, in the wilderness, pitch-black, by yourself, female. Weren't you terrified? I know you created this mantra of "I am not afraid." But every time you said it, I'd say: "I'm not afraid, but I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks." [Laughs.] 

Cheryl: The most important thing I hope readers will take away from Wild is the realization that I'm not different from them. I'm not any more courageous or brave than anybody else. I have plenty of fears. I could walk down this driveway and get creeped out by, you know, a sound. 

Oprah: Being courageous is feeling the fear and doing the scary thing anyway. 

Cheryl: Yes. So every time I heard that branch crack in the night, or whatever, I'd think: "That's just an animal. It doesn't want anything to do with me." And I was right. I could have said, "Oh my God, the bear's gonna come and eat me, and I'm gonna have to run shrieking out of the wilderness." But I just went on. And I think that "I'm not afraid" spilled over into other areas of my life. We all have those negative voices inside us—the ones that say, "I'm too fat" or "I'm not good enough"—and you just have to counter them and say, "I'm not going to listen to that. I'm going to listen to this other thing." When I was suffering, I'd say to myself, "I'm uncomfortable right now, but I can do this." And I could do it. I did do it. 

Oprah: Every time you encountered humans, I was more afraid for you than when you met up with the rattlesnake or the bear. I think I could have survived it all except for one thing. What would really have sent me into psychological trauma, what would have made me a babbling crazy person, was the night you slept outside your sleeping bag. 

Cheryl: Right. Well, it had been a very hot day, and I stopped at a pond. I was too tired to put up my tent, so I lay down, thinking, I'll just sleep under the stars. And I woke up to the sensation of somebody touching me. Little hands, all over. Cool, wet hands. And I realized that I was absolutely covered in hundreds of little black frogs. 

Oprah: Eeeeeeew! Okay, well, I think it's clear that we're on the same page about the frogs. But when it comes to the book as a whole, I think everybody gets something different from it. People who've lost a parent connect on that level. Hikers connect because it's hiking, and so on. For me, the book is a spiritual journey. You were seeking meaning, the deeper part of what is. 

Cheryl: I did go out there on a spiritual quest. But what I got was a physical test. I didn't understand how connected the two are. So when Monster was the physical weight I could not bear, I was having that feeling on the inside, too. The physical realm kept delivering the spiritual. 

Oprah: Tell me about how this hike helped you deal with your grief. 

Cheryl: I thought of my mother every day—I still think of her every day—even when I didn't realize I was thinking about her. On the trail, you don't have epiphanies, exactly; you're too busy putting one foot in front of the other. But one day, as I was walking in the snow, I came to this fallen-down tree, bare of snow. So I sat down to have a little rest. And before I knew it, I saw a flash of red off to my right. It was a fox, maybe ten feet away. At first it didn't seem to see me, but then it stopped right in front of me and turned to study me. I was startled. You know: "There's a wild animal looking at me!" But I also felt, "What an amazing moment." So I stayed still and said, "Fox," very delicately. And it turned and just continued on its way into the woods. Then, I can't explain why, but as soon as that fox began to walk away, I started yelling, "Mom. Mom. Mom." I felt that my mother was there. This sounds completely strange, but it's true. 

Oprah: That sounds so not-strange to me. I felt like, of course that was your mother. Not only that, I think your mother was there the whole time. She was at every step. She was lead, head, spirit in charge. 

Cheryl: She was. She still is. 

Oprah: Do you feel that? 

Cheryl: I do. I do. My mother always said—and it says on her tombstone—"I'm always with you." Her biggest sorrow, when she knew she was going to die, was that she was leaving me and my brother and sister. Now that I'm a mother, I understand that. 

Oprah: What did this hike teach you?

Cheryl: Acceptance. I had to accept the fact of the hour. The fact of the mile. The fact of the summer. The facts of my life. Over and over again, I found that if I could accept those difficult things, everything else sort of gave way. Each step led me to the next step, the next truth that was going to reveal itself. We all suffer. We all have heartbreak. We all have difficult things. They're part of life. Realizing that was very profound for me. The PCT gave me a really grand sense of humility, which is what you need so you can keep walking in ways both literal and metaphorical.

Oprah: Who would you be if you had not done this hike? Who are you because you did it?

Cheryl: I think I would still be me; I would have found what I needed to find, but in a different way. Still, everything I am is born of my experience on the trail. I feel like I literally walked my way into the life I have now. Nine days after my hike, I met Brian, my husband; several years later we got married and had our children. I walked all those miles, and I learned all those lessons. It's as if my new life was the gift I got at the end of a long struggle.

A Note from Oprah

I read Cheryl Strayed's memoir, Wild, on my Kindle, on my iPad—and in hardcover, too. I love this book. I want to shout it from the mountaintop. I want to shout it from the Web. In fact, I love this book so much and want to talk about it so much, I knew I had to reinvent my book club. So here's the story: We've arranged some extra features for a digital version of the book and on Oprah.com—things like special reading guides and a chance to see what my favorite passages are—and you'll have an opportunity to ask questions, too. I will also be on Facebook and Twitter (#oprahsbookclub). There are no membership fees for the club. Just bring your enthusiasm! But remember, it doesn't matter how you read this wonderful book. Just read it! I can't wait to hear what you think.

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Cheryl-Strayed-Interview-with-Oprah-Wild/1

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